THE BUILD A BOO WORKSHOP

          
           One of my biggest epiphanies in life didn't come in the form of a horrific accident, a life altering event, or some near death experience. It came in a children's toy store. Yeah... I know right???... But that's how it came. See... 8 years ago, my ex fiancee and I took a trip to San Francisco to dine-out and do some shopping. Since she was a rather eccentric character (Which, might I add, made her adorable)  these regular outings usually took some manner of spontaneous twist. This trip would prove no different, Today's surprise... The Build A Bear Workshop. A store in which, for a not-so-small fee, you could build a stuffed toy from scratch. Now although I usually wouldn't go along with these activities initially,  after some persuasion, I found them to be, for the most part, enjoyable. And on this day, I left that store with far more than a mere stuffed animal.

           The atmosphere in the store was almost unnaturally jovial. Bustling with the restless energy of mall store-goody fueled kids who all but flipped off of the walls in their sugar-coated frenzy. Nervous parents whose time here would be more of a high-speed pursuit than a pleasant experience quiet barked commands at them. I looked around and realized that, not only was I the only male in the store, but she and I were the only adults who had not accompanied children. I laughed to myself and scanned the store. There was a countless assortment of bins containing all manner of loose teddy-bear parts. Skins, outfits, and everything in between lined the walls of the room. We chose our skin (a small honey-blond grizzly cub) and went to work. Somewhere between the stuffing gun and the shoe station my brain went into its typical overdrive. Bear with me here... (no pun intended... okay... maybe it was)...

           In a perfect world, this store wouldn't be a Build A Bear, But a Build A "Boo" Workshop. And these bins would be filled with physical attributes, character traits, and, mannerisms of what we perceive to be the perfect mate. We would go from station to station selecting bits and pieces until we had assembled our perfect  "Boo". Eyes, skin color, body-type, occupation, education, household strengths, even emotional vulnerabilities which would make this Boo all our own. Once we'd finished, we would stand back marvel at our creation. Then we would fall in love and live happily ever after... Which is sheer and utter Bullshit... In actuality... What we would do, is take this perfect Boo home, fuck it, feed it, show it off to our friends, and discard it, for no reason other than to head back to the workshop at our earliest convenience in an attempt to build a more perfect Boo.   So at the end of the day... This perfect place would only serve to augment the emotional discontentment which a lot of us have mistaken for our search for love.

         In reality...   The Build A Boo Workshop, though not a physically tangible place, actually exists within the majority of us whether or not we like to admit it. Nearly all of us have at some point in life, attached ourselves to another person physically, mentally, or emotionally based not on the person as a whole, but certain characteristics which that person possessed. Before long, in worst cases, some of us actually accumulate a large number of "friends" with different purposes. She can cook, this one has the brains, the sex is good with her, but this one's pretty, and so on, and so forth until we manage to acquire each of our favorite traits in a number of different people which would comprise our ideal mate. However... This method of "Boo Building" comes with a catch. Spare parts... See.. The fact is... These people are just that... PEOPLE. Not parts. Which means we take on whole human beings only to cater to certain parts we like, and are faced with the inconvenience of having to see past the rest of them. This is the emotional equivalent of investing in a car because it has a cd player. Once the novelty of the cd player has run its course there is still a whole car to be disposed of. And this is the way "Boo Building" works. There is rarely any amount of consistency so the team is ever changing, increasing, and decreasing, because as with the car we'll often grow bored with a person's perks and realize the prize is not worth the initial investment. The difference is... Cars don't have feelings. People do... And if they've invested any substantial emotion into the matter, the cut off point  is usually harder on them than us. Of course they'll get over it eventually. We'll find a replacement. and the "Boo Building" cycle continues. All the while we're completely ignorant to the emotional toll of spreading ourselves so thin by trying to cater to multiple partners takes on us.

            By the time we were adding the final touches on our over-priced stuffed animal I had another realization. My ex looked up at me and smiled. Her face was completely Innocent and devoid of any deceit. And although she was 19 years old, her eyes still sparkled behind her glasses with the brilliance of a child that had not yet been exposed to the evils of the world. "We're about done babe?" she asked with a slight hint of excitement.  I half smiled, and quietly replied  "Yeah we are.". I wasn't just referring to the bear. The thing is... We had known each other since high school and she was one of the sweetest people I'd known thus far. Yes I loved her, yet at that moment I realized that I too was guilty of "Boo Building" myself. I had been holding on not to her, but a time when life was so much simpler. I was in love with her Innocent nature, but not her as a complete person. I realized how selfish it would've been to continue allowing her to love me with every bit of her heart and soul if I couldn't return such love. It was at that moment I decided to break the engagement. Sure I felt bad, but a broken engagement was far less painful than an inevitable failed marriage. I knew I wasn't ready, but more importantly, I knew she deserved better. We enjoyed the remainder of our date as well as a few more, but we broke up shortly after. To this day I have no doubts that it was for the best.

        Realistically... There's technically no crime in "Boo Building"... It's something that we've nearly all done at some point in life. After all, we all want what we want whether it's a complete person or simply something about them. The real issue lies in being sure that all parties involved are not only informed of the situation but emotionally equipped to deal with it. You could work that good ol' magic (Lying through your fukkin teeth) until further notice. But we all know that doesn't usually end too well right? So in the end... Honesty is always the best policy where these matters are concerned. And while you're being honest with everyone else make sure your being honest with yourself. Because its highly possible that while you're building boos you're filling your share of space in their spare parts bins.
       
                   

                                     AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY I SEE IT........