BADDEST CHICK IN THE CLUB.

   Topic Presented By..... Nailah Upshaw...     

        We've all seen her before. She walks through the door with her friends (fashionably late of course) and time stands still, the irritatingly loud music stops, and everybody in the room pauses. She's the physical embodiment of everything that represents sexy. Perfectly styled hair, flawless make-up, bright smile, subtle yet completely tasteful co-ordinated accessories, and shoes that obviously took more thought than we as men invest in our whole Saturday night. Whatever "IT" is, she has it. And you want it. Add the fact that the urge to interact with this woman is only further amplified by whatever wildly-colored, sugar laced, alcoholic concoction you've consumed at the start of the night, and the chase is officially on. You take your post and not-so-inconspicuously watch her work the room, hugging friends. kissing cheeks, and frequently stopping to make obligatory small-talk with acquaintances with the grace of the First Lady. Her movements are fluidly unconstrained yet extremely calculated. She's across the room, yet you can almost smell the delicate fragrance of the perfume which she strategically picked just for this evening.  Halfway through your second drink, she and her girls make their way to the bar. Here's your chance... You knock back your cup, brush your shirt with your palms, straighten your collar, do a quick breath check, and step to her. It's your moment to shine... You reach through her friends, grab her hand, pull her close and attempt to whisper your best line in her ear. Yeah Buddy! You mackin' yo ass off tonight. Right up until she politely takes her hand, smiles and says "Thanks... But I'm okay...". With that she walks off with a chunk of your dignity and most of your odds of speaking to her again closely in tow..... What a bitch right?? NOPE.... YOU JUST FUCKED UP CUZZ.

           The truth is... For all the observing you did. You didn't tune in to the ridiculous number of men that had failed miserably in the past few minutes with the same approach you just took. So in the end you came out looking like the asshole in an action movie that watches the hero kick the shit out of 49 of his friends just to go about the fight in the same way they did and make the knock-out count a nice even 50.

          The Introduction:: A woman's "crew" is often times the deciding factor where these things are concerned. If they don't like you... Well... You know how that goes. Although they're not your main focus, they don't take well to being ignored. To approach her without acknowledging them is basically social Russian-Roulette. INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO THE GROUP FIRST. It might even work in your favor. If your impression on them is a good one, though she may pass the first time, they'll often speak up in you favor. So the odds aren't the worst. If it's the case she'll more than likely cross your path on the dance floor at which point you'll be able to attempt a fumble recovery. Just don't blow it Junior...

        The Contact:: It's more than likely she didn't want to be touched by you. Can she know your name first Sir??? Hands are the nastiest part of the human anatomy. And nothing is worse than having unwanted hands touching you. Which is why you don't simply grab her hand. Offer yours as you introduce yourself. If she takes it, you're not doing half bad. A gentle shake would suffice. Or a hand kiss if you're feeling extra Rico Suave' (But what club they still do that shit in? LOL!!). And remember. Shake and release. Never make a woman take her hand back from you. It's more awkward than catching yout grandparents having sex. Seriously though.

         The Small Talk:    Every woman (no matter how ugly) hears bullshit from cock hounds all day. What they don't hear too often are simple and genuine statements like "You're pretty", "You look beautiful", or "Your hair is nice" you know... Honest shit... "Lines" are going out of style Kid, and unless you're good on your toes, she's probably heard what you're about to say before. So if you can't make her laugh (in a good way) in a sentence, just stick to being you. No "I've been watching yo across the room", no "Girl yo ass is soooooo big" and definitely no "Oh... I got this little video shoot tomorrow...." cause that's a shot in the head point blank, Just ask a woman, it's the joke of the century right now.  And get to the point Son... She knew whether it was a "yay"or "nay" when she met you. She came to mingle, not debate or be lectured . Don't spend 20 minutes working your way up to a "no" when it could have been a 2 minute "yes". Remember... Her friends probably aren't leaving without her. And unless you're a charming individual, they aren't feeling very entertained at the moment. If she's interested, she'll find you when she breaks away, or she'll tell them she wants to continue conversing with you.

           Closing The Deal: Look at Junior.....! So the phones have come out.. PLEASE DON"T BE "BOOTSIE"!!.... Don't... I repeat...DO FUKKIN NOT!!!! stand there and call her in her face unless she tells you to. And if she asks for your number don't tell her to call your phone. If she wants you to have the number she'll see to it you receive it. Weaseling a number not only makes you look desperate, but it makes her question the fact she even talked to you in the first place. Just cross your fingers and carry on about your night. And when you use the number just be real. Don't tell a pack of lies that you'll get caught in or have to sweep up in the event that this thing actually goes somewhere. That's if she actually gave you the right number in the first place. And if she didn't.. No worries. U should still have a few other numbers from tonight. You know.... The Honorable Mentions, of course they're not quite her, but that doesn't mean its a total loss. After all.... She was... THE BADDEST CHICK IN THE BUILDING.....  Now go get em' tiger.


                       AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY I SEE IT......